Oh my goodness, I'm procrastinating again!!

So it's now been over a month since my last post... that does not a good blogger make me.  But I should not give up, correct?  Thanks Mel and Teru for encouraging me to keep it up!  I had the MOST amazing day with all of you, dancing and drawing with sweet Teru (and eating pizza!) - you have inspired me beyond words and the energy you have brought to my little orange studio draws me in there more than ever.

So I don't have any art to share right now because pic uploads are backed up (more procrastination).  However I have been doing more art and feeling more inspired all the time.  Started chemo, which is no excuse to not keep up with my blog, but I guess it got a little lost in shuffle.  Doing a lot of experimenting with mediums and techniques, and trying not to judge my art too much at the moment - just finding my style and enjoying the days i feel good and spend time in my studio.  Very therapeutic and learning a lot!  Also doing lots more walking when weather permits and gentle belly dancing to keep strong.  Magical.

I decided to just share a few photos of our wedding day from last November - which is a bit off subject, but not totally.  It took place a few days before my double mastectomy, the entire event was planned in 4 days flat, and it was the most perfect, amazing day of my life, the dearest people in my life ALL showed up even from out of state - and it was definitely a shining moment of a frightening life altering 2009.  It was a DIY wedding all the way.  Our fondant cake was lovingly made by my mother-in-law and sister-in-laws and was delicious!!  It was their first attempt at fondant and it was the most perfect, beautiful cake I could imagine.  The colors just happened to match our wedding attire perfectly, even though we bought it all at the mall 2 days before the wedding an they never saw it.  My head piece was made by me, and it was the day I made peace with my glue gun.  My (now) husband helped me realize it's not scary or high-tech, it won't burn me, and it's not a real gun - so we're cool now... glue gun and me.  (-:


Love is all around me.  I feel it.  I hope you feel it too.

love, e

Unfinished Art... no...Happiness in Progress...

Picked up a few unfinished, i mean in-progress canvases this week and finally just let them become what they would.  Nothing totally finished yet, but definitely making progress.  For this particular piece, I am given away by the sunshine and greenery in the photo, since here in Connecticut we are now well covered by months of dirty snow.  Still working on it.

It's never easy getting myself started though - as in getting the water in the bowl and the paint on the brush.  It's as if I need to become accountable for "showing up" to my studio, as if it were one of my jobs.  I mean, I have never just not shown up for work - yuck - cubicles, deadlines, dress pants, rules... why was I so good at showing up for these drudgeries?  Why, when all I have is time right now, when I know how happy it makes me feel, when I can wear whatever I want all day, do I find it so hard some days to show up to my studio??? - it's next to my kitchen for heaven's sake, it is the sunniest room in the house and it is filled with all my favorite colors and my most precious things.  My therapist might say I am afraid to succeed or something along those lines...

Anyway, I made some progress by actually showing up this week and man... did I feel HAPPY when I was in there!  Breast cancer?  What breast cancer?  I can tell you that when I'm in that place, I forget about everything difficult, negative and painful, and I only feel happy, alive, and free.  Creating heals me.  As does dancing.  As does my cat.   Everyone needs something like that in there life, whether it's painting or fly fishing... I hope you all find that thing that heals you. 

I plan to actually finish a few pieces soon, which will require me to somehow find the balance of treating it like a job without compromising the joy I feel as it's happening.  It will require me to "show up".

Love, e

nope. still no art. but lots of ORGANIZING!

Wow. A wonderful long snowy weekend and i still didn't do any art or do any dancing. My own loss. However, I did do LOTS of organizing! I LOVE to organize stuff, and throw away (recycle, give away...) stuff. My cat, Stewie also loves to organize ...that is him helping me (you may be able to just make out his 2 buggy eyes). My husband on the the other hand, does not love to organize, because it usually means he needs to build shelves or move heavy objects. I have convinced myself that a clean, serene environment is sure to inspire me. But who am I really kidding - I am well aware of the procrastination element. There is ALWAYS crap I can organize, and therefore procrastinate, and therefore 3rd day of 2010... still no art, still no dancing.

Well, I have some surgery tomorrow so I have to get in my last snack in before midnight. Third one in since November (surgery, not snack). The last one was a double mastectomy... this one just a little precautionary clean up job, so I guess no big deal.

I hope I am not the only one with this problem getting my art done. Maybe they'll give me some new drugs tomorrow that will inspire me. See you when I "come to".

Today was a good day.  Love, e.

I was supposed to do art today...

I love to make things. Pretty things. Colorful things. Things that make me feel happy. Why do I avoid my studio, my paints, my passions? I love to dance. Belly Dance. Hula Dance. Dance that makes me feel happy. Again, why do avoid my yoga mat, my music and my hip scarves?
I was supposed to do art today. I was supposed to dance today. The first day of 2010. (HAPPY NEW YEAR!) I have two and a half more hours to make these things happen. If it doesn't, I will not beat myself up. If it does, I'm sure I will feel happiness that I otherwise would not have. Either way, this is the year I plan to get my ass in my studio and make stuff happen. I am dealing with some crap that I'm not sure I can handle, but aren't we all. I hope I will find my way, somehow, and I know it must come from inside me. I know dancing, and doing art will help heal me. Nobody else will make it happen for me. I hope someone else will be able to relate, and join me in having a successful, healthy, happy, life-changing year.

Things that I DID accomplish today, and that DID make me happy:

• I wrote my first blog post ever (forgive my amateur ways. child of the 80's. ms. pac man is my idea of high tech).
• My husband made me some delicious coffee and quesadillas and we watched a very strange movie together.
• My cat and I cuddled in my new pink Snuggie (yes, i have one but it was a gift. love it.)
• I maneuvered some money and paid off half my credit card debt. (25.99% interest? i don't think so).
• Talked to my Auntie in Florida.
  

My husband just called me for dinner, so I will wrap things up here. I'm sure whatever he made will be delicious, but rarely healthy. (he cooks. i clean. it works).

I'll let you all know if I make it into the studio this weekend. right now my boobs hurt. we can talk about that later.

wow... and husband just brought me dinner. holy crap. fish and spinach. seriously, it's usually always something very yummy but terribly naughty.... he NEVER makes veggies. I love him.