eenie, meenie, miney...

 
Hello?  Is it spring yet??

I am trying to come out of a late winter funk.  I know I could use a good healing soup, and maybe a big colorful energizing salad.

However, today, I am feeling a little bit devilish...

Be back soon!
love e

photos (and recipes!): www.jamieoliver.com

They Had Me in Stitches

The morning sun came flooding through the bedroom window, a Saturday morning, my favorite morning... usually this would put in me in a pretty happy place.  I was having a hard time for some reason, I woke up feeling pretty blue and could not shake it.  Blue, blue, blue...so many shades of blue, clouding my day.   

"Snap out of it!" I said to myself.  So I made some French toast, even though I didn't much feel like it.  The maple syrup tasted so good.  I put on some sneaks and went for a walk, even though I didn't have much energy.  The sun felt so warm, the air so refreshing.  I did a little yoga, even though my bones were aching.  My body felt so much better.  The blueness was fading.  Lighter, and lighter.  Pale, misty blue.

Then my family came over.  My parents, the dog, my husband's parents, his sister, his brother, his brother's wife, his little sister...they all just showed up.  It wasn't really planned... we made dinner, we talked, we ate, we laughed, we watched a movie, we had crumb cake, they told me my new hair was pretty... before I knew it, the blue was a happy sky blue.  Wedding dress blue.  And as the sun went down... there was purple, and pink, and yellow, and orange. Lovely perfect orange.  We laughed for hours.  They had me in stitches... and I forgot about the sad shades of blue that had earlier clouded my day.

Blue can certainly be a happy color... if we know where to look.

love, e

Do Your Plies!

photo: The Basic Principals of Classical Ballet, Vaganova

In my studio, the music playing... dancing, stretching, tree posing, doing plies.  I often think, who I would be now, had I not gone to all those ballet classes? .... classes that so many nights I did NOT want to show up for.  From age 7 to my late teens, and even throughout my twenties.. I showed up again and again.  Why?  Most days it seemed like torture.  But I couldn't not go.  "Ugh... paleeezze mom...don't make me go" I would think, nearly every time.  I felt sick during the opening plies, especially if I didn't get my desired place at the barre, thinking I would never make it through the 1 1/2 hours that lay before me.   I somehow got through it, though.  Cramping calves, bloody toes and all.  I was addicted to the way I felt when it was over... when we stretched, and it didn't hurt anymore.  I'd surely show up again tomorrow, and face the torturous hours once again.  I did after all, love dance.

Thousands of plies later...I feel like no matter what is happening in my life, this will forever be a part of me... dancing, escaping through movement, enjoying the ability to move with purpose.   My gratitude for this experience is even more evident now... healing from multiple surgeries, dealing with the pain and fatigue of chemotherapy, having lost control of so much of my physical self... it is empowering to still find control in my muscles and movements.  Later in life I happily discovered there are other types of dance out there besides ballet, that I feel is more comfortable for my body and didn't hurt so much (hooray for belly dance!).  But thank goodness I stayed the course, and did my plies.  I still do them.  And they are fantastic.  I just do them now to drum music... instead of Tchaikovsky.

Even without a childhood full of plies and dance classes, anyone can find joy and healing in movement.  It doesn't require sweat or pain... just whatever type of music you're in the mood for, some comfy clothes, and maybe some lipstick or a flower in your hair.   And it helps to have a happy little place in your home with some candles, a mirror, and a yoga mat...  where noone is looking.

love, e

A Granny Square of Joy

I Crochet!  I Crochet!  I've been wanting to say that for so many years.  I finally made it to one of those adult ed classes tonight, and I'm doing it!!  And here I am, sitting on the couch with my cat and my little 'robin's egg blue' crocheted thing, doing the one stitch I know.  Now, I can't stop.

These photos of yarn found on Etsy make me think of my hair, that now sits in a basket in the corner.  Pretty, isn't it?  Ok, I want to buy it.

photos: http://www.etsy.com/shop/SpinSpanSpun

A View From My Little Orange Studio

This was not today of course.  Most of what can be seen from my studio today are shades of white, brown and grey...February...New England.   Still pretty, but today I prefer to think of this sunset last fall....one of the most colorful moments I've seen from my window, and my lame attempt at photography doesn't do justice to the colors I saw that evening.  I try to recreate them as I mix gobs of purple and orange with iridescent yellow on my paper plate, but I can't quite accomplish any of these colors in acrylic. 

Today I practice... mixing, gluing, shading, sketching, painting hair.  Happy, colorful distractions from my newly shaved head.  I really didn't know my head was so little. (-:

love,e

Resting, Saying "Ta-Ta for now" to my Hair. Enjoying Etsy and all it's Healing Powers.

I really hope to get my butt in my studio today but we will see.  I tried some yoga this morning, but it's just a little too much I guess right now.  Had second round chemo Tuesday and it's kickin' my behind a little but I always seem to have energy for Etsy surfing.  Overall, none of this chemo thing has been too too bad...tolerable, hair has been cut off and falling out like crazy, but still plenty on my head to look cute before the wig.  (-:   Obviously this name I originally picked out for my blog and my Etsy had something to do with a connection I always felt with Rapunzel, my obsession with long long beautiful hair, and my life-long goal of growing mine to ridiculous lengths until I'm mature and grey, just in case some crazy lady locked me up in a tower or something.  Actually, I more connect with the part where I picture her, or me  (-:, dancing in the garden after she is free.  

Anyway, the hair not so long anymore but I suppose I will keep the name because it does grow back!  And I can always paint the hairdo's I dream about!   Although some sadness naturally comes along with the hair loss, it is nothing compared to the second chance at life I am given.  I took the advice of many before me...get a wig you love, and some soft hats/scarves before chemo starts, cut it off when it starts to fall out (mine exactly 14 days after first chemo day), buzz it when it's starting to get patchy...  that's about to happen for me next few days.  Then just have fun with your beautiful new head accessories, and be open to loving your new shiny head.  


Working on this little leather piece that makes think of my friend, her lovely spirit is so strong and giving, and her hair which grew back so beautifully and curly after her chemo.  I'm deciding what to put it on so I can give it to her. 

Hear are some pics of my before and after hair.  Stewie Kitty was not amused.   Next comes the buzz!

 

Off to get lost in some Etsy art and find sunshine on this cold, rainy day.

love,e

Oh my goodness, I'm procrastinating again!!

So it's now been over a month since my last post... that does not a good blogger make me.  But I should not give up, correct?  Thanks Mel and Teru for encouraging me to keep it up!  I had the MOST amazing day with all of you, dancing and drawing with sweet Teru (and eating pizza!) - you have inspired me beyond words and the energy you have brought to my little orange studio draws me in there more than ever.

So I don't have any art to share right now because pic uploads are backed up (more procrastination).  However I have been doing more art and feeling more inspired all the time.  Started chemo, which is no excuse to not keep up with my blog, but I guess it got a little lost in shuffle.  Doing a lot of experimenting with mediums and techniques, and trying not to judge my art too much at the moment - just finding my style and enjoying the days i feel good and spend time in my studio.  Very therapeutic and learning a lot!  Also doing lots more walking when weather permits and gentle belly dancing to keep strong.  Magical.

I decided to just share a few photos of our wedding day from last November - which is a bit off subject, but not totally.  It took place a few days before my double mastectomy, the entire event was planned in 4 days flat, and it was the most perfect, amazing day of my life, the dearest people in my life ALL showed up even from out of state - and it was definitely a shining moment of a frightening life altering 2009.  It was a DIY wedding all the way.  Our fondant cake was lovingly made by my mother-in-law and sister-in-laws and was delicious!!  It was their first attempt at fondant and it was the most perfect, beautiful cake I could imagine.  The colors just happened to match our wedding attire perfectly, even though we bought it all at the mall 2 days before the wedding an they never saw it.  My head piece was made by me, and it was the day I made peace with my glue gun.  My (now) husband helped me realize it's not scary or high-tech, it won't burn me, and it's not a real gun - so we're cool now... glue gun and me.  (-:


Love is all around me.  I feel it.  I hope you feel it too.

love, e