Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Past the Sky

Wow, what an intense, happy day.  I will not include the rough morning, in which i made my husband very grumpy, snoozing my alarm for 1.5 hours before turning it off, then oversleeping with 5 minutes to both get ready and be at the hospital.  we were very late.  he got no breakfast or coffee because we were late.  his cafeteria lunch sucked. this made him grumpier.  i ran the battery out on his laptop.  oops. grumpier.  had a typical argument about money (evil green relationship saboteur!).  lets just delete that part of the day. we hugged it out later.  It's supposed to be all about me today anyway!!

I put a flower in my head scarf, some lip shimmer and off we went.  Got to the hospital about 20 minutes late.
a nice man in blue scrubs named Christopher (who was very kind about my tardiness) tested my heart today with the little echo machine and the blue jelly.  "your heart still looks strong.  this is veddy' veddy' gooood.", he said.

headed downstairs to meet with my amazing oncologist named Dr.T.  She spent so much time answering all our questions and telling us what to expect going forward after Chemo.  She palpated all around "does this hurt?... this?", did her stethoscope tests, and said, "your doing really great, erica.  really great".  She doesn't give you any B.S. though and i like her honesty about my future.  Then she gave me a big hug which made my day.

Then headed down the hall to my final Chemo treatment (6 of 6, i jump for joy!)  Someone asked me how I felt about this being the last day?  " sad, scared, and elated, all at once", i said.... Sad only because i love the nurses and all the people there dearly.  i will miss them but will still be there every 3 weeks for a year for a quick infusion called Herceptin.  Scared because the chemo, which although it is pretty toxic,  it's oddly very comforting knowing your actively fighting those little cancer buggers that might have got away... (now how do i keep fighting?) Elated, because, hey - i probably don't have to explain - chemo kinda sucks and i am nearly through with this suck-fest after a few final weeks of annoying side effects!  can i say, "woo hoo!"?.  Oh and i got a glittery smiley face sticker.  (-:   If i could do one of those goofy little heel click jumps out to the side on my way out of there today, i would have. high fives all around instead, so i don't hurt my clutzy self.

Mom and dad and Lucy came for dinner to celebrate a little.  Felt very happy to be with all my family who made sure i was never alone during one treatment, and even spent overnights on my couch taking care of me when my husband was away for work.  You guys rock.  you too, stewie and lucy!

 It has been a long road so far, but at the same time it really does pass... the chemo, the surgeries, the pain, even when you think it will never be over.  It is all up from here. 

My hair will grow back.  
My nails will grow back. 
I will get stronger. 
I will dance again.  
I will meet more lovely people. 
I will become whole again. 

Life will never be the same in so many ways.  I plan to just reach for the sky now.  Who knows... maybe I'll make it past the sky. 

love, e

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